Just Because I Watch the Food Network It Doesn't Make Me Rachael Ray

My kids' school has a wonderful class called Cooking Lab for the Pre-K and Kindergarten students. There's a small kitchen with small tables and small chairs, and once a month the kids get to come in and "cook" something. Best of all, the moms are in charge of Cooking Lab. Which means that once a month I get to pretend that I have my own little cooking show.

Dreams of grandeur die hard.

Let's just say that today's Cooking Lab was a comedy of errors.

I didn't even realize it was my turn to run the lab until yesterday afternoon. I'd spent the day helping Amy clean out her mudroom, which was worthy of its own episode of Clean House. I got my Niecy Nash on and helped Amy tackle all her mayhem and foolishness. Three hours, two trash cans, and several recycling bins later, that mudroom was sparkling.

So after sneezing dust all day, I came home to a slew of messages on my answering machine. I skipped the messages from three politicians reminding me to vote and then heard, "Hi Chelsea, this is Brock's dad. I was wondering what we're doing in Cooking Lab tomorrow? Can you call me back and let me know?"

Oh glory, you've never seen a face fall faster.

I called back Brock's dad and we quickly made a last minute plan. I used to be a teacher, so I'm familiar with winging it.

Here's what I learned today: Five-year-olds are much harder to fool than high schoolers. Winging it doesn't work when you've got a throng of pre-K kids staring at you.

Ross and I arrived early to set up. The kids filed in, and we had them scooping and stirring and smelling spices. We poured the pumpkin pie mixture into 14 little pie shells. I was seconds away from sticking them in the oven when I realized we'd forgotten a key ingredient: eggs.

Now the kids got to watch us pour the uneggified pumpkin mixture back into the mixing bowl, add two eggs, and then pour the new mixture back into the shells. All the while the teacher is looking at us with a quizzical expression. I'm sure she was thinking, "Who are these eejits and why are they in charge?"

I was thinking the same thing.

Here's what else I learned today: Twenty minutes is a loooong time for pre-K students to wait while something is cooking. We tried our best to entertain the kids. Ross had them reaching into a huge pumpkin and pulling out slimy pulp and seeds. I gave them some roasted pumpkin seeds to taste. I read "The Pumpkin Patch Parable" and we talked about being lights in the darkness.

We stalled, hemmed and hawed, and still the pumpkin pies were not done. Apparently the school's oven is a little slow.

In the end those poor kids had to go back to their class without having eaten their pumpkin creations. They'll get them after lunch, and maybe that's better for me. I don't think I want to be there when they taste the pies and declare them "yucky."

Here's the most important thing I realized today: The next time I run Cooking Lab we're doing fruit kabobs. No cooking required.