The Woman's Remote

But where are the laundry buttons?

Thanks to my great friend Christi for sending me this via email.

For more Monday Laughs, visited Absolutely Bananas' blog. She cracks me up.

233

233. That's the number of questions I was asked yesterday by my children, and this was a day when all three had school. Try to imagine what life is like during summer vacation and they have nothing better to do than pummel me with constant inquisitions.

Here's what the first 20 minutes after school sounded like:

What's for snack? Why did David get a cookie? How many more days until we go camping? Are the Thomases going? Are the McBrooms going? Where are we sleeping? Can I bring a Webkinz? Mama, why can't we go to Sonic today? When can we buy a truck so we can sit in the back? Why can't we buy a truck? How do you know it won't fit in the garage? What do you mean gas is 'spensive? Where do you get your money? Do I have money in the bank? But you don't work, do you? How many more days until I'm a grownup? Why was I born last? Who will be a grownup before me? Who will me my mommy when I'm a grownup? No, I mean your Daddy's mommy, so who will be my mommy? What's a wife?

And so on, and so on, until I thought my head would explode.

My Official Concession Speech

I didn't win the haiku contest, but I sure did appreciate all the emails and comments telling me that you appreciated my tongue-in-cheek poem about motherhood.

I would officially like to proclaim that my mother was and is not bipolar. She called me, rather concerned, and asked if I actually thought she was a depressive sort of mom when I was growing up. Hardly! My mom has an infectious sense of humor, which she desperately needed raising three girls who were, shall we say, strong-willed?

By the time I was born, my mom already had Brooke, who was then 20 months old, and Jamie, who was just a year older than Brooke. That's right: My mom had three children under the age of 3 -- voluntarily! -- and lived to tell about it. Can you imagine what it was like at our house when all of us were going through puberty at the same time? It's a miracle anyone survived, and my sisters and I did try to kill each other several times over such important things as hairbrushes and Aqua Net. It was the '80s, after all.

However, it is a universal truth that motherhood can make all of us feel crazy at times. Just the other day I screamed at my kids about their ungrateful attitudes regarding dinner, as if yelling about ingratitude would suddenly make them feel grateful. Motherhood brings out the worst in all of us, doesn't it? But on the flip side, we also get to experience some of the absolute sweetest moments ever. My son recently brought me handfuls of weeds that he'd carefully collected during softball practice. With a huge grin he presented me with my "flowers," and I couldn't have loved a dozen roses any more than I loved those weeds.

So here's to motherhood, with all the good and bad. I'd offer you a glass of champagne but it's only 2 o'clock. Then again, as my Grandma Clara used to say, it's 5 o'clock somewhere!

And kudos to Darcie, who has the cutest smile this side of the Pecos!