Six Hours One Tuesday

I received a speeding ticket last month. The police officer claimed I was driving 35 in a 20 mph construction zone. I have my doubts about that charge, but I'm not one to try to fight the courts.

So today I'm taking defensive driving in order to dismiss my ticket.

I still have to pay the defensive driving fee ($25), the shipping fee ($5) and the court's driving safety administrative fee ($107). So by choosing to dismiss my ticket, I'm still having to fork over 137 bucks. Irritating, but it's a whole lot cheaper than the original ticket cost.

I signed up to take an online defensive driving course today. Six hours of pure drudgery, no doubt. To entertain myself, I think I'll blog a little during the mandatory 15-minute breaks...

Break One: Here's what I've learned so far. Driving can kill you. Statistic after statistic from 1987 to 1996 proves that driving, in fact, can be very fatal.

Here's another interesting statistic: Zero percent of defensive driving students have actually died of boredom, but 100 percent of students have wondered if it's possible.

I've also learned that I read a whole lot faster than the Department of Public Safety folks think I can read. There's a minimum time limit on each page of text, and I usually finish reading, click the button, and am informed that I have 03:16 minutes left before I may continue.

A conscientious student might go back and review the information. I, however, choose to play a quick round of Mafia Wars on Facebook.

Break Two: Oh, I could make all sorts of snarky comments about the typos and quality of the videos in this defensive driving course. My favorite gaffe so far is the video clip about traffic signs that showed a bass fishing store in the background. There was a sign covering the B in Bass, so the narrator is discussing the importance of yield signs while I'm looking at a store called Ass Fishing and giggling like Ron Burgundy.

I'm so classy.

Break Three: (OK, this isn't a break. I'm typing on a second screen because I am, in fact, going to be the first person ever to die of boredom.) Now the world's worst music video is playing on the other screen. Four teenagers singing a cheesy song called "Intersection."

I couldn't come up with something this bad. Even more, you couldn't pay me enough to dress in 1990s overalls and sing a country song called "Four Seconds on My Mind." Or a rap song called "No Zones." Seriously, I paid money for this?

On the upside, I've done four loads of laundry so far today. And finished the Enforcer level on Mafia Wars. All while wearing my jammies.

Maybe it wasn't such a horrible day after all.